Stimulating
I just found out what I'm going to be doing with my economic stimulus check.
Yesterday, when braking, my car made a crunchy, grumbly sound. I took it to the garage today and it needs new brakes, rotors, and wheel bearings. $714.
I'd like to write about the situation in such a way that conveys my feelings in an even tone (as is what I typically write in), with statements about the ironic nature of working and spending, working and spending, and dang it, it's just so darn tough to get ahead these days! In fact, before finding out about the car, I had written a positive, slightly empowering email to a friend who is a substitute teacher and who does not have a permanent job lined up for summer or next fall. She also can't get health insurance, because substitute teachers are paid per diem and do not get health insurance, and because she made too much money in the last three-month period due to a maternity leave position that she had and paid more than regular substituting. I told her that, It's tough for people our age -- starting out and all. A job will turn up soon! Hang in there!. I think I even gave my computer screen a thumbs up after I hit send.
However, I am now quite certain that a job won't turn up for my friend, because the world is completely against me and people who are associated with me are, by association, pulled into this malady.
Thus, instead of being able to calmly write in the previously mentioned "even tone" lamenting in an it's-just-the-way-it-is -- with a shrug -- way, about the difficulties of getting ahead, I'm going to spout off that I'm f*@!$&* upset at the fact that this type of s!*$ happens all the time. It's an incessant mechanism that constantly pounds away at any slim chance that I might be given of ending up on top for once. And it sucks.
And it's not just about money and -- god forbid -- being able to save some. It's time, too. And people, some times. It's the world. It's life in general and it's very difficult for me for some reason.
It doesn't seem to be as difficult for other people, however. Let me illustrate utilizing a real life example:
My lawn looks like crap. There were a lot of weeds last summer and there was "Weed and Feed" in the garage. I used it on the lawn at the end of the summer as suggested by a lawn care website that I had found. This spring, the lawn looks worse than it did last year. No weeds (at first) and a lot less grass. Now, the weeds have grown in and there is a little bit more grass, but a lot of it is still brown. I bought a sprinkler and grass seed and watered the lawn and put grass seed everywhere. My neighbors lawn looks like the picture on the grass seed bag. It's bright green and there are no weeds. You could sleep on their lawn. You wouldn't even want to walk on mine. Now, after two weeks of watering every other day, there are some patches of relatively green grass while most of it is weeds (which came in very thick and full, mind you).
My point is, that my neighbor's lawn is excellent. But, no matter what I do to my own lawn, nothing seems to make it look better.
Which seems to be the moral of the story.
I'm trying here. Just not succeeding.
And that's why, when I have a gig and I'm playing my songs and I realize that I've just played ten songs in a row about failure...
And, I just re-read everything because it came to my mind that I am ranting here and I don't want to be a ranter. I'm laughing at myself, though, which is better than the cussing and desk-pounding that was inevitably unavoidable before I started writing.
So, I'm going to stop here while it feels like I am partly ahead.
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At Lena's this past Thursday I played House of the Rising Sun and Road to Nowhere.
I also ate Sushi.
Stephanie took this picture after I had played and when she remembered that we have a camera now.
Yesterday, when braking, my car made a crunchy, grumbly sound. I took it to the garage today and it needs new brakes, rotors, and wheel bearings. $714.
I'd like to write about the situation in such a way that conveys my feelings in an even tone (as is what I typically write in), with statements about the ironic nature of working and spending, working and spending, and dang it, it's just so darn tough to get ahead these days! In fact, before finding out about the car, I had written a positive, slightly empowering email to a friend who is a substitute teacher and who does not have a permanent job lined up for summer or next fall. She also can't get health insurance, because substitute teachers are paid per diem and do not get health insurance, and because she made too much money in the last three-month period due to a maternity leave position that she had and paid more than regular substituting. I told her that, It's tough for people our age -- starting out and all. A job will turn up soon! Hang in there!. I think I even gave my computer screen a thumbs up after I hit send.
However, I am now quite certain that a job won't turn up for my friend, because the world is completely against me and people who are associated with me are, by association, pulled into this malady.
Thus, instead of being able to calmly write in the previously mentioned "even tone" lamenting in an it's-just-the-way-it-is -- with a shrug -- way, about the difficulties of getting ahead, I'm going to spout off that I'm f*@!$&* upset at the fact that this type of s!*$ happens all the time. It's an incessant mechanism that constantly pounds away at any slim chance that I might be given of ending up on top for once. And it sucks.
And it's not just about money and -- god forbid -- being able to save some. It's time, too. And people, some times. It's the world. It's life in general and it's very difficult for me for some reason.
It doesn't seem to be as difficult for other people, however. Let me illustrate utilizing a real life example:
My lawn looks like crap. There were a lot of weeds last summer and there was "Weed and Feed" in the garage. I used it on the lawn at the end of the summer as suggested by a lawn care website that I had found. This spring, the lawn looks worse than it did last year. No weeds (at first) and a lot less grass. Now, the weeds have grown in and there is a little bit more grass, but a lot of it is still brown. I bought a sprinkler and grass seed and watered the lawn and put grass seed everywhere. My neighbors lawn looks like the picture on the grass seed bag. It's bright green and there are no weeds. You could sleep on their lawn. You wouldn't even want to walk on mine. Now, after two weeks of watering every other day, there are some patches of relatively green grass while most of it is weeds (which came in very thick and full, mind you).
My point is, that my neighbor's lawn is excellent. But, no matter what I do to my own lawn, nothing seems to make it look better.
Which seems to be the moral of the story.
I'm trying here. Just not succeeding.
And that's why, when I have a gig and I'm playing my songs and I realize that I've just played ten songs in a row about failure...
And, I just re-read everything because it came to my mind that I am ranting here and I don't want to be a ranter. I'm laughing at myself, though, which is better than the cussing and desk-pounding that was inevitably unavoidable before I started writing.
So, I'm going to stop here while it feels like I am partly ahead.
------
At Lena's this past Thursday I played House of the Rising Sun and Road to Nowhere.
I also ate Sushi.
Stephanie took this picture after I had played and when she remembered that we have a camera now.