Lifer's Block
You are probably familiar with the concept of writer's block--a perhaps fictional anomoly that causes those who write to, for whatever reason, fail and stall and generally lose the ability to write well. I have a friend who would argue that there is no such thing as writer's block and that he could write a song about anything at any time if he wanted (personally, I think he's being idealistic in an attempt to stay positive in life rather than negative like me).
Anyway, I am in the midst of lifer's block, which works in much the same way as writer's block--except that with lifer's block, it's life in which I have lost the inability to do well and I constantly, and consistantly, fail and/or stall at. This, of course, makes lifer's block about a thousand times worse than writer's block. With writer's block, one may still have the ability to cook well or socialize well, but I seem to have lost such abilities and find myself unable to do anything well.
You see, I am completely stalled. I have been going on job interviews and sending out resumes and filling out applications; however, I am still only making very little money on a per diem (day by day) basis. Today, I am home... doing nothing... because I am unneeded at my current job.
I am especially unhappy with the fact that I recently received a letter from an organization, which had a sweet job that I interviewed for, informing me that I was not chosen for the position. That, I suppose, was the icing on the moudly cake of incessant failure.
Income, however, isn't the only thing that is stalled.
Every time I pick up my guitar, I get nothing. My practice sessions are emotionless, songs that I normally play well sound terrible, and my sinuses are dry and itchy (allergy related) so I can't sing to save my life. I started recording my songs (before the allergies and rejection letter) for a potential CD, but I haven't been able to work on it since. I just don't have "it."
I also started writing again. On top of songwriting, I am working on a novel. Every once in a while I get a story in my mind that I think is worth the time involved in making a novel, so I go for it. However, I haven't worked on it in a few weeks and I'm starting to think (again) that writing, as such, is a complete waste of time for someone like myself. And I shouldn't hold any aspirations or expectations or think--for even a moment--that I can accomplish anything worth while in my insubstantial existance.
Tonight, I am going to Lena's for the open mic. Maybe I'll feel better afterwards (I often do). However, I can't stay past 10 as I might have to work tomorrow--something I can't pass up even for the sake of having a good time because I really need the money--so, I forsee my name being drawn last or close to last and not getting the chance to play tonight. Such is the way things are going for me right now.
Anyway, I am in the midst of lifer's block, which works in much the same way as writer's block--except that with lifer's block, it's life in which I have lost the inability to do well and I constantly, and consistantly, fail and/or stall at. This, of course, makes lifer's block about a thousand times worse than writer's block. With writer's block, one may still have the ability to cook well or socialize well, but I seem to have lost such abilities and find myself unable to do anything well.
You see, I am completely stalled. I have been going on job interviews and sending out resumes and filling out applications; however, I am still only making very little money on a per diem (day by day) basis. Today, I am home... doing nothing... because I am unneeded at my current job.
I am especially unhappy with the fact that I recently received a letter from an organization, which had a sweet job that I interviewed for, informing me that I was not chosen for the position. That, I suppose, was the icing on the moudly cake of incessant failure.
Income, however, isn't the only thing that is stalled.
Every time I pick up my guitar, I get nothing. My practice sessions are emotionless, songs that I normally play well sound terrible, and my sinuses are dry and itchy (allergy related) so I can't sing to save my life. I started recording my songs (before the allergies and rejection letter) for a potential CD, but I haven't been able to work on it since. I just don't have "it."
I also started writing again. On top of songwriting, I am working on a novel. Every once in a while I get a story in my mind that I think is worth the time involved in making a novel, so I go for it. However, I haven't worked on it in a few weeks and I'm starting to think (again) that writing, as such, is a complete waste of time for someone like myself. And I shouldn't hold any aspirations or expectations or think--for even a moment--that I can accomplish anything worth while in my insubstantial existance.
Tonight, I am going to Lena's for the open mic. Maybe I'll feel better afterwards (I often do). However, I can't stay past 10 as I might have to work tomorrow--something I can't pass up even for the sake of having a good time because I really need the money--so, I forsee my name being drawn last or close to last and not getting the chance to play tonight. Such is the way things are going for me right now.