Dear Irresponsible Pet Owners
A pair of my shoes are laying off to the side of the road somewhere between exit 24 and 25 on the New York State Thruway. "How did they end up there?" You might ask...
Friday night, I went out in Albany. I attended a concert of local bands at Valentine's, had a few drinks, etc. Sometime around 11, I realized I wasn't having as good of a time as I had hoped and I decided to leave. Once outside of the music venue, I started giggling at the fact that I-wasn't-having-such-a-good-time, which caused me to ascertain that I was quite ready to drive home. On top of that I was hungry, so I went in search of pizza.
There happened to be a pizza place right next to Valentine's, which was great for the case of the munchies that I had, but not so much for walking off the booziness. So, I walked up the street to Madison. On my way to Madison, I encountered a group of people standing in front of some stone steps. Someone was making their way through the group and, as I approached, blocked my way. I kindly stepped back to allow the person to pass...
I knew it as soon as I stepped back. Instead of feeling hard cement under by foot, I felt soft gooshiness. Playdoh? Doubtful. Dog shit? Highly likely.
Sure enough. It was dog shit... and a million curses went through my mind.
Pissed off, I made my way through the group and on to Madison. I attempted to scrape the shit off my shoe on the curb while I waited for the light to change. I left a good sized dollop on the curb and continued across the street to the Washington Park where I attempted to get the rest of it off my shoe by running it through the grass. It was a mostly pointless act.
At this point, I am cursing dogs and dog owners. I am looking around for a dog to kill, skin, and wear on my right foot. I am considering knocking on doors and rubbing my shit shoe in people's faces yelling, "Does this smell like your dog's shit?!" I am composing a very offensive letter/blog entry in my somewhat buzzed mind to dog owners, their dogs, and their families about what I intend to do to them, their dogs, and their families...
... all of which is quite facetious, but generally therapeutic.
I do, however, have some choice words for irresponsible pet owners -- clean up your pet's shit when it uses public people places as a toilet. If you don't want to clean it up, don't get a pet. Or don't take it for walks outside of your backyard. It can shit all it wants in your back yard. But sidewalks are for people. Not shit. And, as such, things that just randomly take a shit need to be closely monitored when they are on sidewalks.
Honestly, I'm not a fan of dogs. Especially, the bigger ones. They smell. They are annoying. And people treat them like they are their children. Which is something that I find somewhat on the verge of c r a z y. I dislike big dogs with breed names like Pit bull, Rottweiler, etc. I believe that certain breeds should require a permit to own as a pet. I'm grossed out by people who wrestle with their dogs, sleep in the same bed as their dogs, kiss their dogs on the lips... I don't like being invited over to some one's house where I have to spend more time giving attention to the dog than to the person who I came to see. When a dog jumps all over me when I walk in a house and the dog's owner says, "He (or she) likes you!" I want to show them how much I DON'T feel the same way towards their dog. Dog tongues are the worst part of a dog, next to their wet noses, and general dog smell. Big dogs like to knock me over, which causes me to want to kick dogs... I cover my crotch with my hands whenever I am in a house that also has a dog. Typically, if there is a dog in the house, I can't wait to leave the house. Loud, random barks frighten me.
But, I understand why people do like dogs and why they keep them as pets. I adopted a cat (quite different from a dog, but still a pet) last year because I live alone and my house felt empty. Dogs become part of a family. They are loyal. Their excitement can lift a person's feelings. People with dogs have lots of inside jokes with other people who have dogs, which is great for socializing. You can play Frisbee with some dogs on the beach (which, at one point, is something I really wanted to do).
After my cursing out the world of dogs and their owners, I wandered back down to the pizza place. I ordered a slice and ate it while walking back to my car. I couldn't shake the feeling that my right foot was somehow contaminated and may have even walked with a slight limp. Back at my car, I finished the pizza and headed home.
Maybe the slight and fading buzz that I had made me forget about the dog shit. Maybe there were good songs on the radio to lift my spirits. Maybe it was the yummy pizza. But, by the time I hit the Thruway, I wasn't upset at dogs anymore.
Then, I caught a whiff. I had my heat on a low level because it was cold. Well, the heater was baking the shit that was on my right shoe.
Cruise control was on, so I reached down and slipped the offended against shoe off my foot. I rolled down the window and without hesitation tossed it. About another minute down the road I started wondering why I was keeping the left shoe, since it wasn't going to do me any good without the right one. I slipped it off my foot and tossed it as well.
There is an irresponsible pet owner who walks his/her dog near Valentine's in Albany. And they owe me a new pair of Skechers.
Friday night, I went out in Albany. I attended a concert of local bands at Valentine's, had a few drinks, etc. Sometime around 11, I realized I wasn't having as good of a time as I had hoped and I decided to leave. Once outside of the music venue, I started giggling at the fact that I-wasn't-having-such-a-good-time, which caused me to ascertain that I was quite ready to drive home. On top of that I was hungry, so I went in search of pizza.
There happened to be a pizza place right next to Valentine's, which was great for the case of the munchies that I had, but not so much for walking off the booziness. So, I walked up the street to Madison. On my way to Madison, I encountered a group of people standing in front of some stone steps. Someone was making their way through the group and, as I approached, blocked my way. I kindly stepped back to allow the person to pass...
I knew it as soon as I stepped back. Instead of feeling hard cement under by foot, I felt soft gooshiness. Playdoh? Doubtful. Dog shit? Highly likely.
Sure enough. It was dog shit... and a million curses went through my mind.
Pissed off, I made my way through the group and on to Madison. I attempted to scrape the shit off my shoe on the curb while I waited for the light to change. I left a good sized dollop on the curb and continued across the street to the Washington Park where I attempted to get the rest of it off my shoe by running it through the grass. It was a mostly pointless act.
At this point, I am cursing dogs and dog owners. I am looking around for a dog to kill, skin, and wear on my right foot. I am considering knocking on doors and rubbing my shit shoe in people's faces yelling, "Does this smell like your dog's shit?!" I am composing a very offensive letter/blog entry in my somewhat buzzed mind to dog owners, their dogs, and their families about what I intend to do to them, their dogs, and their families...
... all of which is quite facetious, but generally therapeutic.
I do, however, have some choice words for irresponsible pet owners -- clean up your pet's shit when it uses public people places as a toilet. If you don't want to clean it up, don't get a pet. Or don't take it for walks outside of your backyard. It can shit all it wants in your back yard. But sidewalks are for people. Not shit. And, as such, things that just randomly take a shit need to be closely monitored when they are on sidewalks.
Honestly, I'm not a fan of dogs. Especially, the bigger ones. They smell. They are annoying. And people treat them like they are their children. Which is something that I find somewhat on the verge of c r a z y. I dislike big dogs with breed names like Pit bull, Rottweiler, etc. I believe that certain breeds should require a permit to own as a pet. I'm grossed out by people who wrestle with their dogs, sleep in the same bed as their dogs, kiss their dogs on the lips... I don't like being invited over to some one's house where I have to spend more time giving attention to the dog than to the person who I came to see. When a dog jumps all over me when I walk in a house and the dog's owner says, "He (or she) likes you!" I want to show them how much I DON'T feel the same way towards their dog. Dog tongues are the worst part of a dog, next to their wet noses, and general dog smell. Big dogs like to knock me over, which causes me to want to kick dogs... I cover my crotch with my hands whenever I am in a house that also has a dog. Typically, if there is a dog in the house, I can't wait to leave the house. Loud, random barks frighten me.
But, I understand why people do like dogs and why they keep them as pets. I adopted a cat (quite different from a dog, but still a pet) last year because I live alone and my house felt empty. Dogs become part of a family. They are loyal. Their excitement can lift a person's feelings. People with dogs have lots of inside jokes with other people who have dogs, which is great for socializing. You can play Frisbee with some dogs on the beach (which, at one point, is something I really wanted to do).
After my cursing out the world of dogs and their owners, I wandered back down to the pizza place. I ordered a slice and ate it while walking back to my car. I couldn't shake the feeling that my right foot was somehow contaminated and may have even walked with a slight limp. Back at my car, I finished the pizza and headed home.
Maybe the slight and fading buzz that I had made me forget about the dog shit. Maybe there were good songs on the radio to lift my spirits. Maybe it was the yummy pizza. But, by the time I hit the Thruway, I wasn't upset at dogs anymore.
Then, I caught a whiff. I had my heat on a low level because it was cold. Well, the heater was baking the shit that was on my right shoe.
Cruise control was on, so I reached down and slipped the offended against shoe off my foot. I rolled down the window and without hesitation tossed it. About another minute down the road I started wondering why I was keeping the left shoe, since it wasn't going to do me any good without the right one. I slipped it off my foot and tossed it as well.
There is an irresponsible pet owner who walks his/her dog near Valentine's in Albany. And they owe me a new pair of Skechers.