Land of the Lost

Do you ever wonder what happens to the people who disappear from the face of the planet? Not the missing person, FBI is involved, people. The people who you text and talk to on the phone and hang out with on some regular basis, who suddenly stop texting, talking to, and hanging out with you.

I have quite a few people in mind, who -- over the past year or so -- came in to my life for one reason or another, communicated with me regularly for a period of time, and then disappeared...

I like to think that they are all in some purgatory-esque land together where they spend all of their time talking about me...

Girl A: "Whoa... wait a sec. Where am I?"

Girl B: "Hi there. You must be a former of acquaintance, friend, lover, etc. of James Frederick. Welcome to 'James Who? Land.'"

Girl A: "How did I get here?"

Girl B: "Simple. You either stopped returning James' calls or stopped responding when he texted you. There is even one girl here who pretended that she was driving under a bridge and lost her cell reception..."

Girl A: "It's true! James and I went out a few times. We kissed on the second date and it was really sweet! I told him that I had a great time and we texted back and forth for a week. Then he asked me out again..."

Girl B: "What happened next? Was your phone abducted by aliens?"

Girl A: "No. I just told him I was busy, but I didn't suggest another day. He told me to let him know when I was free again because he had a great time. I didn't respond. Then, he texted and called a few times next week and I kept saying that I was super busy! Then, he gave up. And I forgot about him."

Girl B: "A lot of us here have similar stories. I texted James out of the blue one day and we exchanged texts pretty regularly for a week or so. Then we started hanging out. We got together about once a week, but we texted almost every day."

Girl A: "So how did you get here?"

Girl B: "I just stopped texting him back."

Girl A: "Did he eventually give up?"

Girl B: "Of course! Why would he want to continue texting someone who never hangs out with him or texts him back?"

Conversations continue all over this strange purgatory. Sometimes, girls (let's face it: they are all girls) get out of purgatory. For example:

Girl C: "After dating James for a month or so, I decided to put him in the 'friend zone.' We texted a few times after that, but never got together. I didn't text or call James at all and so he stopped texting me. Then, like five months later, James texted me and I decided to respond! He asked if I wanted to get together, but I couldn't so I suggested that we do something that weekend. Well, he texted me back Friday and invited me out that night or Saturday, whichever I was free. I didn't respond!"

There is also some sort of pre-purgatory... for the ones that do text me back (usually the following day), but are never available for actual in-person contact and never initiate texting. They'll end up in regular purgatory eventually.

I imagine that this purgatory is a wonderful place. There are waterfalls and bars and rainbows and horses... there are also lollipops and glistening, shirtless men walking about. The men don't talk (or text) and this is a huge draw to girls who are there. You see, purgatory must be wonderful because the alternative would be to continue to communicate with me.

On that note: how long do you wait before you delete some one's phone number from your address book?