This Yellow Taxi Cab In Which I Ride

When I woke up this morning to my alarm clock (the first time in nine days), I felt the most intense lack of desire to be alive. It was as if I had awoken just before the good part of a really great dream. This, of course, wasn't the case. I was simply waking up to my first day back to work after a week long vacation. My job isn't that bad. I don't know why I dread it so much. Waking up and going to work is always a chore -- mostly because at work you are doing things that you are told to do instead of what you choose to do -- but, it's even more of a chore when it comes after not having to wake up and go to work for over a week. Florida -- where I went on vacation -- was fantastic. I did a lot of nothing. I joined my dad early in the morning to watch the sunrise. I laid by the pool. I swam in the ocean. I repeated this most days. I had some amazing dinners with my grandpa and his wife, my dad and his wife, and my step-sister and her daughter. (It just occurred to...

Trips, vacations, and the like are wonderful and problematic. For some reason, my mind associates taking a trip and/or a vacation as a next step or some sort of progression of my life. I find myself, in the time leading up to a trip/vacation, developing an I-no-longer-care-at-all-about-anything-current attitude, which I suppose is due to the misconception that I am leaving all of the current anythings behind. While it is true that current anythings are being left behind, my brain does not wish to allow the reality of the situation (that I will, in fact, be returning from the trip/vacation and, thus, will need to pick up where I left off, so I shouldn't leave too big of a mess) to be present in my thoughts. This makes me wonder... is it just me? Or do we all have that sense of "moving on" from the current when we take a trip or vacation? Sadly, trips and vacations are not permanent. They are not "next steps" to something other than the current. They are sim...

The end is nigh. It may seem silly to say that the world ends at the point of each individual's death, but I believe it does. For when you die, your world certainly ends. I'm heartbroken, right now, and disappointed in myself. A former coworker of mine passed away last Sunday and today is the funeral. I missed the calling hours. I'm missing the funeral now. I can't bring myself to go. Joe Maher was a really nice guy. He almost always had a smile on his face and told jokes quite often. He had a real cynical sense of humor at times and delivered his sarcasm with an ironic laugh. Joe often joined myself and a handful of others for group lunch outings and was always part of the group for outside-of-work activities. Joe wasn't cut out for the work that we do. I'm not cut out for it either; I don't think anyone really is. Joe drank to attempt to wash away that emotional burden that we bear. Joe was a big fan of "Pumped up Kicks" by Foster the Peo...

I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am that I sold my house almost a year ago. Home ownership just wasn't for me. I wrote a song about it. It's called One and Only Home . Shortly after moving into my apartment and sitting down with lawyers and the buyer, I started writing about what was going through my mind as it pertained to moving out of the home that I had lived in for most of my life. There were a lot of thoughts and feelings and it didn't come to a cohesive conclusion and, thus, wasn't a song. One idea that I had jotted down stuck with me. It was that of a gingerbread house that didn't taste good. I had written about trying to build a gingerbread house with ingredients that made me sick, which was a great metaphor for my experience owning a home. This became the first verse. The second verse is an inside joke in a way. You see, I had married a former pageant girl who was very concerned with how the home looked. Everything had to be perfect...

It was the summer of 1997. I was driving an ’85 Camaro that was just as much bondo as it was Camaro parts. Much of the summer was spent in that car with my brother and my cousins, driving to Lake George for mini-golf and to the mall for Laser Tag and the movies. The gas gauge didn't work and we had to guess at when it was getting close to empty. We never did run out of gas. I had two cassettes that we used to play most of the time: Summertime by Will Smith and Whoop! There it is. The four of us knew all the words by heart and when we would walk the streets of Lake George, we would sing acappella, badly. The adventures of that summer culminated in August. My cousins had to go home to New Jersey, college started for me, and high school continued for my brother. The last hurrah, if you will, was a concert at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC). I was always a loner. I didn’t have a whole lot of friends in school and was incredibly awkward around my peers. However, when I wa...

I used to go to concerts at SPAC a lot. I saw numerous bands back in the 90s and early 2000's and often attended multiple concerts each year. Over the past 10 years, there has been a change in popular music and the bands that were coming to SPAC weren't worth spending on, in my opinion. The bands that I wanted to see were playing smaller clubs, which was great because it was often much cheaper to see them. So, I hadn't been to SPAC in a while when I saw Tom Petty there this past Sunday. Back when I was going to lots of concerts, I was always searching for the key to snag the best seats. The "pit," as the orchestra pit at SPAC is known, was always the holy grail. These seats were as close as you could get to band that you were there to see. And I was never in them. I would log on to ticketmaster.com on the day that tickets went on sale with multiple browser windows. I would select "best available" and hope that I would end up with "pit seats....

I have been trying really hard to keep a secret. But, the secret has been really wonderful and I have been wanting to talk about it, which has caused me to "leak" little bits and pieces of the secret to various people at various times. The purpose for keeping the thing a secret has been to assure that the thing is good before telling people that it will exist. You don't want to get people anticipating something that turns out to suck. Nothing worse than setting high expectations and falling way short of achieving them. The thing continues to be doing what it is supposed to be doing and is mostly succeeding at exceeding my expectations for it. Even so, I intend to continue to mostly keep this secret a secret for roughly one more month. There was some particular excitement surrounding the thing that occurred last night and I just want to share it with the world... but the excitement was only anticipation of awesomeness and not the completion of awesomeness (does that make s...

I've been spending much of the last two weeks suffering horrendously from seasonal allergies and preparing for my show at Caffe Lena on June 19. I'm pretty excited about the show and generally pleased that my sinuses have cleared up. Breathing is helpful when singing. I have had some rehearsals with the guys who will be joining me. I'm pretty impressed with the riffs and things that these guys are adding to my songs. It's really cool to hear what Ray Pashoukos is doing on mandolin and what AJ plays on bass. I haven't been able to get the whole band together for a full rehearsal yet. Scheduling is tough and we all have other commitments. But, I'm confident that everyone can play together. These are all solid musicians who know what they are doing. I just have to not screw up (ha!) and we'll be fine.

I met her on a dating site. I saw her pictures. Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. When I wrote her, I wasn’t expecting to get a response. Most women of her level of beauty have no time for the likes of me. I even stated in my pathetic message, "You're out of my league." To my surprise, she wrote me right back. We proceeded to exchange a few messages. I gave her my phone number and she called right away. We talked on the phone for three hours. She lives in New Jersey, but she's getting her master’s degree in Albany by taking classes on weekends. She stays at a hotel when she is in town. I asked her out. We planned to go out this past Saturday. For the purpose of this story, her name is irrelevant. However, I shall for here on out refer to her as Aphrodite. When I got to Aphrodite’s hotel Saturday night, I called her to let her know I had arrived. She said she saw me pull up and was sitting in the gazebo. I saw the gazebo. I watched her stand up and I stopped breathing. The...

Does anyone really want to read a looking-back or looking-forward end-of-the-year menagerie of my thoughts, feelings, and misadventures? I don't really want to write one either. So, let's just do our best to get through this together. Deal? It is somewhat customary for me to post the previous years end of the year, New Year posting, comment on it (looking-back) and then go from there. Well, last year I posted this: resolutions Which is not the customary looking-back/looking-forward thing and instead was a brief commentary on what I think about people who say they are going to do something, don't do it, say they are going to do it again, and don't do it again. In other words, it's about liars. I posted this after the new year: new-year-not-new-issues And it's not a looking-back/looking-forward thing either, but is rather hilarious. So, I can't really comment on what my expectations of 2012 were at the end of 2011. I did make some resolutions f...

If you don't collect something, I feel sad for you. When I was in high school, my family took a vacation to Orlando. We went to Universal Studios and had a blast. Next door to Universal Studios, at that time, was the Hard Rock Café. I implored my parents to take me there to see what it was all about. Some friends in school had been wearing Hard Rock Café t-shirts and when I told them I was taking a vacation to Orlando, they suggested I go to the “Rock Shop” at Hard Rock. Having never been to a Hard Rock Café before, I didn’t really know anything about it. I had seen some of the slogans on t-shirts: Love All, Serve All, which seemed cool. I agreed with my friends that I should own one. When I walked into the Rock Shop with my family, who was in somewhat of a hurry to move on to something else, I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people in there. I didn't have much time to find a t-shirt that I liked, and instead was drawn to a guitar pin that was under a glass case. The...

Alas, this is the final posting about the excellent cruise. I will have to take another vacation really soon. I enjoy journaling and putting the journal together with pictures in the blog format. Entry Date, Sunday 11/25. Day IX 9:30am I don’t have any cell service. It’s loud and crowded and confusing. People yell and the bus station workers try to help people by placing them in lines that don’t look like they go to anything. Most of the people who are leaning on their luggage or sitting on the floor appear to be youngish. College students, probably, who went home for Thanksgiving and are now awaiting their buses back to college. I was told to stand where I am currently standing, but what starts out as a line becomes more of a group of random people standing together near a wall. I want to get on a bus to Albany… I have a ticket for a 1:30 bus, but I was told that I can catch an earlier one by standing here. A young guy standing in front of me (assuming this is in fact a line) i...

I have fallen behind in blogging about the cruise again. There are about two posts, including this one, to go! I hope to have it done by the new year, so I can do a post about 2012 and looking forward to 2013. You know, the obligatory looking-back-and-forward type of thing. Anyways, here is the vacation journal:

I'm impressed that many friends, family, and coworkers have been reading my vacation adventures. It was nice to see such a huge jump in blog readership since writing about the cruise. Not sure where you all are coming from, but thanks! Entry Date, Friday 11/23. Day VI 12:30am. (NOTE: I probably should have included this entry with yesterdays since I wrote it at 12:30 in the morning. Last night. This morning. Same difference.) When I started writing about the trip, I had designated about a third of this notebook to the trip, thinking I wouldn't take up that much space. I ran out of the third and had to designate another portion. I have a writing problem... I'm now sitting in the Blue Lagoon restaurant, which is the only place to get food at 12:30 in the morning. The woman The freaking adorable woman who seated me is the same freaking adorable woman who has seated me here for dinners and lunches before. I think she works 24 hours a day... or she's a clone... I...

I've been a bad blogger. I was on a tear, writing out my journalings every night for about five straight nights. Then, I lost steam. Anyways, when we last left off, I was about halfway through the journal I kept while on my cruise to the Bahamas. Entry Date, Thursday 11/22. Day V. ( *Note: I did not write down a time in my journal. I also didn't write out a full entry. I just jotted down a list. ) After hanging out in the hot tub for quite a while, I went back to my room. I got dressed up and went in search of a turkey dinner. The main dining areas were full, but they were serving the same turkey meal in the Chinese Food restaurant, which was not serving Chinese Food tonight. I sat near a railing that overlooked Bar City. There was a pianist playing instrumentals of Italian songs. It was a nice atmosphere. The servings of turkey dinner were tiny... two small slices of white meat, two small slices of dark meat, a tiny scoop of stuffing and an even tinier scoop of mash...

Cruise: Part V. "Vee." Or Five. However you feel like pronouncing V. I left off with my wild night at Senior Frogs. From there, my pocket journal jumps ahead almost a full day (because I had a very busy day!). Entry Date, Thursday 11/22. Day V. 6:40am Ricardo is a drink server on the ship who keeps popping up. He's a very chill (not pushy) guy and says "Hey" instead of "Drink?" He strikes up conversations and knows my name. I blame him for being buzzed and a prune... 4 full hours in the hot tub. 4 mai tais. Happy Thanksgiving! I'm trying to decide if I should go eat and/or sleep. I really want to do both at the same time... I met loads of people in the hot tub today. Debbie works in a school. We chatted about the state of the education system and "kids these days." She has two kids who are on the cruise (supervised by her husband, currently; I asked). She tried to out "hot-tub" me and failed after 2 and a half hours. ...

Cruise: Part IV. I know many of you are on the edge of your seat to find out what happens next! Wait no longer. The adventure continues. (For those who are planning on staying up to see the Powerball drawing, hopefully, this helps pass the time) Entry Date, Wednesday 11/21. Day IV. 9:30am I woke up super early today (6:00am) to see the sun rise. Now, I don't know much about sunrises -- I'm never up before the sun and on the rare chance that I am "up" at that hour, I am definitely not awake enough to be aware of what the sun is doing. (There was another ship nearby. I wonder if they are taking pictures of my ship?)

There is an awesome moment that occurs from time to time and it's pretty much only men who get to have this awesome moment. Ties, when you buy them, are not tied; you have to tie them yourself. The awesome moment is when you tie a tie at the most perfect length on the first try. Entry Date, Tuesday 11/20. Day III. 12:30am Some may consider this time of the night to belong to the previous day... It's really a new day. Hmmmm... so. I just got back to the state room. Buzzed, I am. For sure. I ate dinner at Tsar's Palace. The food was meh... The cheesecake for dessert was so flavorless that I could only eat a few bites. I'm mostly disappointed in the cheesecake. I was dressed to the nines:

Entry Date, Monday 11/19. Day II. 8:20am Captains bah-log... The worst thing ever happened. I have an appointment today for an acupuncture consultation at 9:00am. I set my cell phone alarm for 8:00am last night and went to bed. It took sometime to fall asleep -- probably, partly due to the excitement of being on vacation and partly due to the shock of being on a ship in moving water. I was probably out around midnight or shortly after. My cell phone alarm woke me up at "8:00am" according to the phone. I did not feel right. It was like I got much less than 8 hours of sleep. Maybe 4? I snoozed a bunch of times, got up, dressed and put my watch on. I glanced at the watch: 3:50am. What? I double checked the time on the TV. My watch was correct. My cell phone had switched from EST to UTC. That bastard... I couldn't figure out how to change it back, so I did some fast math and set it for 1:00pm (which would actually be 8:00am) and went back to sleep. Last night was kinda f...

I disappeared from the internets and "real" life for 7 full days. It was the first time I had taken so much time off in a very long time (two years, I think) and it was very necessary. I took a cruise to the Bahamas out of New York City and I filled up an entire Moleskine pocket notebook with my adventures. Entry Date, Sunday 11/18. Day I. 9:30am. The sky is a pale blue through the wide shaded bus windows. The sun's light flickers from behind tall trees on top of rocky hills on the New York State Thruway. I am not the only plaid fan wearing a fedora on this Greyhound out of Albany and I smirk as I write this in my pocket journal, the letters appearing jittery from the jostling of the bouncing bus as it bounds toward New York City. I am due to arrive in about an hour (10:30am) though I now realize I don't have a city map and I can't recall where exactly this bus ends up. I put this thought aside; I'll figure it out when I get there. I woke up at 4:30am t...